i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
