i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
