my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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