We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
