Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
