it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
