I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
