So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
