i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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