My nipple is on Facebook.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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