So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
