There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
