Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
