u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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