Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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