lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
