she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
