I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
