I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
