how can u be prego again
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
