it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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