i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
