I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
