who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
