Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
They took my balls.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
