After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
