Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
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Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
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