I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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