I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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