Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
where are my eyebrows?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
