I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The feeling are messing with the penis
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
