This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
