I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
