I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
