Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
