Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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