Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
