i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
