Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
