The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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