from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
