Michael Bay diarrhea
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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