M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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