Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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