i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
