there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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