Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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