so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
