I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
