no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
