I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
