Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize