the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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