my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
