my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
