My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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