Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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