Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
