I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
