i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
