first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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