that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
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How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
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Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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