Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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