why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
