Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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