I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
