those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
