I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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