I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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