Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
be right there i have to get my cape
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
