I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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