i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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