i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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