i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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