The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
