As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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